I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb...
and I also know that I’m not blonde.                      Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. ---                          Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. ---             Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job. ---                 Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.                      Rita Rudner

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.                      Susie Loucks

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. ---                      Sue Grafton

I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on. ---                          Roseanne

I think-therefore I’m single. ----              Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. ---                                          Elayne Boosler

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch. ---                          Gilda Radner

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. ---                          Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. ---                                      Margaret Thatcher

If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary. ---                          Margaret Atwood

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. ---
                                                Gloria Steinem

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. --- Gloria Steinem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ---                                          Katharine Hepburn

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. ---                  Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" ---                                  Linda Ellerbee