These are taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine.
1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
5 . "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "Its best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist.But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
18. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
20. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
21. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
22. "Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job."
23. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
24. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
25. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
26. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
27. "References: None. Ive left a path of destruction behind me."
Return to Title (Front)
Page or to select a different category of humor
Click here
to read more jokes in this category
To e-mail me or send
your jokes
harry@gluckman.com