** Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

** A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

** You can open all your own jars.

** Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.

** You can leave the motel bed unmade.

** You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

** Wedding plans take care of themselves.

** If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

** Your underwear is $10 a three-pack.

** If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

** You can quietly enjoy a car ride from a passenger’s seat.

** Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

** You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

** Car mechanics tell you the truth.

** Same work...more pay.

** Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

** Wedding dress - $2,000; Tuxedo rental - $75.

** You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.

** You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

** If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.** Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with... "So, notice anything different?"

** You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

** You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

** You almost never have strap problems in public.

** You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

** The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.

** You don’t have to shave below your neck.

** At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

** Your belly usually hides your big hips.

** One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

** You spend only half as much for earrings.

** You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.