2). Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.

3.)  Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.

4.)  It's not the pace of life that should concern you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

5.)  There are two kinds of pedestrians- the quick and the dead.

6.)  People who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

7.) The problem with pessimists is that they are right too much.

8.) A closed mouth gathers no feet.

9.) Intelligence is like a river: the deeper it is, the less noise it makes.

10.) Eat Right. Exercise. Die Anyway.

11.) He who laughs last thinks slowest! !

12.) Teamwork is essential:  In times of war,  it gives the enemy more people to           shoot at.

13.) A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

14.) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

15.) For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

16.) If it is stupid and it works, it isn't stupid.

17.) No one is listening until you make a mistake.

18.) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

19.) Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

20.) Two wrongs are only the beginning.

21.) A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

22.) Don't sweat the petty things....and don't pet the sweaty things.

23.) If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

24.) He who dies with the most toys....still dies.

25.) Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

26.) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.That way when you          criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

27.) You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

28.) Black holes are where God divided by zero.

29.) The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

30.) If everything seems to be going well, then you have obviously overlooked                 something.

31.) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

32.) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

33.) Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

34.) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

35.) Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.

36.) If you must choose between two evils, pick the one that you have never tried          before.

37.) Always take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later you'll inhale a          bee.

38.) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may          not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

39.) If we could get everyone in the world to close their eyes and envision world          peace for an hour, imagine how calm it would be before the looting started.

40.) Once, I cried for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I          took his shoes.

41.) Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

42.) Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

43.) Set aside a few minutes each day for yourself. By the end of the year, you'll          have a couple of days saved up.

44.) As people get older, they begin to read the Bible a lot more. That's because          they're cramming for finals.

45.) Follow your dream, unless it's that one where you are at school or work in your          underwear.

46.) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

47.) 42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

48.) Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but wish we didn't.

49.) If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

50.) LIFE: NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE…………………!