Monday, August 09, 1999
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt
English rather than German as the preferred language for European communications. As part
of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
Euro-English (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c"
will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent
"e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl
wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and
"w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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