IN GENERAL
1 Never take a beer to a job interview.
2 Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3 It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4 If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5 Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1 When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup,
and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2 If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1 A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2 Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good
his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1 While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2 Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3 Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1 Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2 Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3 Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is
the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1 Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
2 Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1 Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2 Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3 For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4 Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1 Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded,
and the deer is in sight.
2 When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3 Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4 When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring back beer.
5 Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession

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