Checking on Dad:
Dear Mr. Cameron:
As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote
your 15 year old daughter in response to a query that we received from her.
Dear Ms. Cameron.
Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high school is
still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating "all the way
back" to his graduation. In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I
will get to in a moment.
In answer to your first question: In every picture existent of your father he is well
shod, wearing what I believe were called "earth shoes" back then. Also, the
weather here is moderate, with snow generally lasting from December until March--hardly
the entire school year. Thus his descriptions of the conditions under which he
"struggled" to school in the morning, do, as you suggested, seem a bit
exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still intact, revealing that not only
was your father a registered passenger, but that his parents paid the extra ten dollars a
month for door-to-door delivery.
I am sure there were days when your father was very "sharply dressed," as you
state he puts it, but in every single photograph I was able to uncover he is wearing
exactly the same thing: bell bottom blue jeans with white strings trailing from the edges
onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no belt buckle.
His T-shirt displays a message easily communicated with hand gestures.
His hair hangs past his shoulders and looks as if it was exposed to a lot of wind -
perhaps he rode the school bus with the window open.
As to academics and "concentrating on the basics, "one must remember the times:
the "basics" back then may very well have embraced some of your father's
elective subjects, which included "Personal citizenship," "Ecology,"
and one which apparently was called Relevance." We have no record of what, if
anything, was taught in these classes.
What records we do have show that your father did indeed take Geometry, just as he claims.
In fact, he took it his sophomore year, repeated it his junior year and repeated the
course again his senior year ... Geometry was required for graduation.
Now as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called "Problems of Modern
Relationships." Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father
always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter when it
was done, it was always handed in late. In fact, your
father sticks out in Mr. Muggins's mind as having the most outrageous excuses for being
unprepared, including having to evacuate his home because it was infected with the China
Syndrome. Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is
confusing student government with a social group called "The Slackers," which
Mr. Muggins recalls was a group of boys who sat in the hallway and made loud groaning
noises whenever an attractive girl strode past. Your father was assistant vice president
of the club, and, to our knowledge, is the only past member not currently serving time in
a federal penitentiary. One thing IS completely verifiable: Your father's name is, indeed,
carved above the door to the school. Please advise that, now that we have noticed it, we
will need to have it sanded out and refinished, at a cost of approximately three hundred
dollars. We would appreciate it if your father would agree to pay for the damage without
having to engage lawyers.
The honor roll to which he apparently referred is not above the door, it hangs outside
my office. I will leave unanswered the question as to whether his name is upon it.
Thank you very much for your letter, which we found most amusing. Be sure to tell your
father hello from Mr. Muggins.
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