Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Lord save me from your followers.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

Ask me about micro-waving cats for fun and profit.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.