Aviation 101
The Laws Of FlyingTakeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get
smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back--- then they get bigger again)
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down
here.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want
proof?
Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk
away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can
use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating
parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't
really fly - they're just so ugly that the
earth immediately repels them.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them
yourself.
Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what
they are.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a
captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
Return to Title (Front)
Page or to select a different category of humor
Click here
to read more jokes in this category
To e-mail me or send
your jokes
harry@gluckman.com