ABOUT THE WEATHER

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

50 Miami residents turn on the heat

40 You can see your breath

Californians shiver uncontrollably

Minnesotans go swimming

35 Italian cars don't start

32 Water freezes

30 You plan your vacation to Australia

25 Boston water freezes

Californians weep pitifully

Minnesotans eat ice cream

Canadians go swimming

20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

New York City water freezes

Miami residents plan vacation farther South

15 French cars don't start

Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 American cars don't start

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

-10 German cars don't start

Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

Miami residents cease to exist

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you

Politicians actually do something about the homeless

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

Japanese cars don't start

-25 Too cold to think

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30 You plan a two week hot bath

Swedish cars don't start

-40 Californians disappear

Minnesotans button top button

Canadians put on sweaters

Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50 Congressional hot air freezes

Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 Polar bears move South

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets