ACTUAL SIGNS

In the front yard of a funeral home,     "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
On an electrician's truck,     "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop,     "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a non-smoking area,    
    "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door,     "Push, Push, Push."
On a front door,     "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an optometrist's office,  "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window,     "We really know our stuff."
On a butcher's window,     "Let me meat your needs."
On a fence,     "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership,     "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop,     "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
In a dry cleaner's emporium,     "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a reception room,     "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2^nd one just left."
In a veterinarian's waiting room,     "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the electric company,    
        "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop,     "Dye now!"
On the side of a garbage truck,
        "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
In a restaurant window,     "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a bowling alley,       "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a cafeteria,     "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

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