HEADLINE HITCHES

Some story headlines don’t convey quite the concept the journalist intended... with some amusing results. Here are some actual newspaper headlines featuring an inadvertent play on words.

FIRE OFFICIALS GRILLED OVER KEROSENE HEATERS
LEGISLATORS TAX BRAINS TO CUT DEFICIT
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED
FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE
HIGH COURT TO HEAR MARIJUANA CASE
LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
BUXOM STARLET KNOCKED FLAT BY FANS
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
BAR HELPING ALCOHOLIC LAWYERS
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
STEALS CLOCK, FACES TIME
STUD TIRES OUT
REAGAN WINDS UP BUDGET BUT MORE LIES AHEAD
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
SCHOOL TAXPAYERS REVOLTING
PROSECUTOR RELEASES PROBE INTO UNDERSHERIFF
BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON VIRGIN ISLANDS
ENFIELDS COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
ARSON SUSPECT HELD IN MASSACHUSETTS FIRE
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
AIR HEAD FIRED
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
NEW VACCINE MAY CONTAIN RABIES
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
BAN ON SOLICITING DEAD IN TROTWOOD
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD
OLD SCHOOL PILLARS REPLACED BY ALUMNI
SEX EDUCATION DELAYED; TEACHERS REQUEST TRAINING
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
DEER KILL l7,000
NATIONAL HUNTING GROUP TARGETING WOMEN
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
LANSING RESIDENTS CAN DROP OFF TREES
TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS
SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER
PANDA MATING FAILS, VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

from: THE ALMANAC FOR FARMERS & CITY FOLK 1997

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