The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and liquor bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an epileptic.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to BASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to say things like thish.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 AM.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of otherwise inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear."

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.