OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting

MCI VIRUS

Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS

This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impendinghard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C/:

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS

Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

ROSS PEROT VIRUS

Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.

TED TURNER VIRUS

Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS

Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS

Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

TEXAS VIRUS

Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1

The computer locks up, screens splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS

You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS

Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS

Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS

Your programs can never be found again.

STAR TREK VIRUS

Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

NEW YORK JETS VIRUS

Makes your Pentium 160 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS