An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me."

"Let’s begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?"

"Alcohol?" said the man. "I’m a teetotaler. Never touch a drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.

"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."

"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"

"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I’m in bed by 10:30 every night, always have been."

The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."